Or does it sneak up on you in blooms of yellow and bright green? Do you go from the dark, dead of winter and all the sudden, without a clear realization of how or when it happened, you’re shading yourself under a beautiful Box Elder from the sun that refuses to set until 9pm? 

This weekend was truly a blessing. It all happened so fast and unexpectedly, but I really couldn’t thank the world enough for conspiring towards us to make shit happen. I feel like I owe that much more of myself, my music, my performance and my love to the people who believe in what we do. We received some outstanding compliments this weekend that have left me blushing still. I have also read a few non-stellar things about us and myself in particular, which seems that I wouldn’t be pleased with, but bad press is still PRESS! So I can deal with it. 

When I am on stage with a microphone and a room full of people glaring at us, I morph into my true form. Everything you see is everything I am. I, even at my most vulnerable, adopt the strongest part of my being and let nothing hold me back. However, I’ve really got some things I need to work on after the fact. Feeling self-conscious about how I look in photographs or how I sound on recordings is going to cripple everything that I have worked so fucking hard for if I don’t find a way to change the things I can and accept what I cannot.

We’ve got some promising opportunities that appear to be in arms reach…we just have to reach a little further. I need to be sure that I prepare myself with everything that I have.

I can’t begin to explain the enormity of my excitement when I’m on stage. Last night was the first time in 3 fucking years that I’ve performed original music to a crowd. I can tell you, even though I don’t know much about drugs, there is no greater high than to purge everything you have into a microphone and have people tell you afterwards that they actually enjoyed it. Wrap your heart in a warm blanket, hold it with a silk touch and enjoy while ten loving bodies embrace you and you will know what I’m feeling…and the show has just begun.
And you know, aside from my self-full-filling endeavors, the number one reason I write, I sing, I perform and I reach is not for myself; it’s so I can do what my idols did for me. They gave me the courage and the inspiration to share my word and they gave me hope when I was gracing the bottom. I want to be someone’s idol. I want to lift them up. If there is only one thing in this world I want to accomplish, it’s to bring people together.

I’m on that path.

That is home. Everywhere else feels like I’m drowning in distance. The only way I can make any sense of that is the realization that I lay out the most intimate details about my life through my lyrics. My body pours emotion and energy and deep in my vulnerability comes a chance to connect.

Why must I be even the slightest bit uncomfortable everywhere else?