“…a musician who alters their material to encompass a wider audience may be labeled by fans who pre-date the change as a sellout.”

This is a slippery slope to tread on. As musicians, we are always under scrutiny and we must find a way to balance that line of “cool” and “not cool.” It’s not enough just to play or write what speaks to your heart…and if you’re going to do it publicly, you must be prepared to ultimately be judged. If your heart sways and your mind changes, you can assume that some fans will find difficulty in understanding that growth and will automatically assess it as “selling out.” 

I know that many musicians and artists simply pass this off and will continue on with their work, never paying mind to harsh, critical eyes and I applaud them for their strength. I, however, take it personally. 

Maybe that will hurt me in the end. Maybe it’s hurting me now. I worry about being misguided away from integrity and also being viewed in such a way. I also am very mindful of disrespecting supporters. But where is the balance in sustaining happiness for both your supporters and yourself?

It’s not about the music, it’s about what drives us to make that music…

Since I was a small girl, I’ve always dreamt of becoming a singer. Some of my earliest memories include receiving my first karaoke machine, setting a “stage” for myself anywhere I could and singing for anyone who even pretended to listen or care. I sang for the love of music, I sang for the love of singing and of course, I sang for the spotlight. I didn’t have any social mores nor was I trying to spread any sort of message…I was five. I sang for completely selfish reasons because that’s what five year olds do.

So jump to my adolescent years, my love for music and performing had only grown fonder and my view on the world was starting to shift into something fervent with hormonal activity. It was then when I started to really understand why people threw their heart and soul into their music and suddenly, my love for the art had much more substance. With this, I quickly fell in love with any band, artist or musician that stood out to me. Every word sang sank deep into my heart and at an age where I was especially green and responsive, I took it seriously. I trusted these musicians more than…almost anyone. I didn’t even know them as people, I just knew their music.

Lauryn Hill was an exceptionally strong figure for me. Her delicate but full-bodied vocals graced heavenly over the rapping gentlemen who made up the rest of The Fugees. After taking off on a solo career, my respect and love for her remained steadfast as she spouted off lyrics that spoke to both my heart and my head. She was a strong female kicking asses and taking names in an industry run by men and I wanted to be just like her…

…and then I heard it: the rumor circulating in which claimed that Lauryn was racist. The inflammatory remark when she supposedly said that she would rather see children starve than have white people buy her album flipped my stomach inside out. I was thirteen, uber passionate about music, in the process of still constructing own personal standards and meanwhile “going out” with a boy whose skin color was opposite of my own…I tossed every CD and cassette that her name was printed on. I was crushed and infuriated that someone that I held in such high regard could be so heartless and crude. I took it personally as a white girl who purchased her albums and I swore that I would never support her again.

Well, Google didn’t exist then. I did not research to investigate the claims. Whether the rumors held any merit didn’t even cross my mind. I still don’t know the truth nor do I care as I am much more aware of the dangers of public media, how easily words can be misconstrued and the fact that people just say stupid shit. I am totally desensitized at my age today, but I do know that the effect of that situation changed my world.

My case scenario was possibly the best that could happen…it only strengthened my disgust for racial intolerance. However, we all know that the statement that Lauryn did or did not make also had the opposite effect on some of her followers. “If Lauryn hates white people, I should too!”   ….right?

As musicians, we must be mindful of every move we make and word we say. Unless you are absolutely sure that you don’t have a bone in your body that cares about our youth and the future of our society, your words must be meticulous. Even success on a small local scale could easily impact a few hundred teenagers with the instant access that social media provides us today. It’s a large task that not everyone is up to, understandably, but it’s an important one to say the least. Exposure in the public eye comes with responsibilities that, unfortunately, many musicians use irresponsibly. 

As humans, we are bound to make mistakes and it would be extremely difficult to live your life watching every P and Q, but it comes down to basic ethics. I don’t care if you are as musically diverse or as richly versed as Johann Sebastian Bach, if your voice speaks for intolerance, ignorance, greediness or unacceptance of any kind, I can not stand by you. If your personal goals do not strive to enrich humanity or create some kind of community, the music that you make will only reflect that. 

We have to turn things around…I’ll start with myself.

Besides a heat index of 105*, feeling dead while drenched in sweat and lungs feeling bogged down with boulders, I was still awakened with bouts of inspiration. After speaking with musicians that have been enlisted for this trip and really taking a deep look into the enormous amount of work that goes into Warped, that tour seems so ungodly grueling, yet, I would still give anything to be on it. From the long drives, lack of showers/sleep, total exhaustion, performing in ridiculously hot weather with merely one day off out of 50some sounds…perfect!
I did say that this would be the last year that I would attend Warped Tour as a listener and I mean it. Play or bust.

And while writing that last line, I came to realize that I am in sort of a crossroads in my life. As it stands, I can decide to take the easy road out (and by that, I truly mean out), continue to build a solid clientele in the salon, live comfortably on my income, settle down in a nice home and even start a family. The other road is much less dignified. In fact, that shit isn’t even paved. In the pebbles of the gravel lays many uncertainties concerning stability, health, relationships and a fortified future. This road would kamikaze me straight for my dreams.

So I can prance barefoot down the path of least resistance, humming pretty songs all the way to retirement, or I can lace up my fucking boots and scream and shout all the way to music hell.

Nothing has ever enticed me to give up my freedom and we all know that it would take a divine intervention to shut me up, so maybe I never actually had much of a choice how to live…because I could die wondering “what if?” or I can die knowing that I tried.

Time to start hiking. This is going to be a long dirt trail.

Really though, what is music’s purpose if not to be the one tangible thing that we can always rely on to invoke emotion, create energy and move the spirit? We all cling to a different religion or none at all. We each have a different approach to art or none at all, but who on earth can say that there is not one type of music that they embrace? One genre or sound - even the music that the ocean waves create when they crash to the shore - that doesn’t build feeling or whisper peacefulness to them? Even the hearing impaired have learned to feel music and that could possibly reach light years beyond what we feel.

As Dashboard Confessional came up on Shuffle today, my first thought was not that my tastes no longer care for the music, but instead, I was immediately brought back to that seventeen, eighteen, nineteen year old me. The one that desperately reached for any kind of belonging, stability and identity. I find it so odd how you can forget such feelings so rapidly and maybe even completely until that one song, that one album, that one voice or band can bring you back in two seconds flat. In that moment, you transcend time and those last six or seven years have meant nothing at all.

Hearing that song is like seeing your best friend after ten years of not speaking and starting up exactly where you left off, without a flinch or a second thought.

Sweet nostalgia; bittersweet nostalgia. Music is both a blessing and a curse: a blessing because nothing in the world is better than it and a curse because nothing in the world will ever be better than it.

So often, we talk about making music for ourselves. Whether it be a form of release, self-reflection, therapy or just a way to communicate when simple words cannot convey the complex inner workings of our mind, we write to express ourselves. However, if it were true that we solely write to pacify our need for personal gratification, why would we ever release our recordings? Why would we create a blog, publish our words, display our work or perform our music? You say you only write music for yourself? Well, we know that you’re only sticking your nose in the air to avoid smelling your own bullshit.

This truth seems to only make up a fraction of why any artist does what he or she does. We create to connect, because our survival instincts have instilled in us that in order to get by in life, we cannot do it alone. Mother Nature insists that to sustain life past our own, we must pro-create to build a community. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel that my purpose in life is to spawn new creatures into an already over-populated, poisoned world. Instead of having a maternal clock, I was gifted with the inherent desire to create meaning for my existence and leave a legacy in other ways. And so, I’ve chosen to do that through music.

So we create to express, connect and hopefully leave a legacy. How do we accomplish that? Who do we want to connect with and how do we want to impact them?

Obviously, the “musician” who only enters the industry to gain admiration does, in fact, exist and unfortunately, the mass encourages the major labels to breed money-hungry, sex selling pop bunnies to get their fill of fame and fortune. Along with many other blood-sucking industry heavyweights, they do this for themselves. However, the underground (and not-so-underground) music scene is full of artists who want to make some form of positive impact on a more selfless level, but have little means to do so. Maybe instead of sleepwalking through the world, asking ourselves how to make an impact, we should delve deeper into “who?” and “why?”

“How” is easy. Sell yourself. Sell your mind, your body, your soul and you’ll be fine, wallowing away in your own misery, unaffected by the rest of the world. Good for you! You did this for yourself! But as soon as you ask yourself, “why do I make music? What am I trying to convey?” you may find yourself falling short with only pennies to spare.

So, as one musician to the next, I encourage you! In fact, I dare you to ask yourself: “Who will care? Who will my music, my art and my message affect?”

If the answer is only you, you’re doing it wrong.

I just had to blog about it, because apparently all of the venting I’ve done with the guys isn’t quite enough. A post on Craigslist in the musicians category for Grand Rapids referencing auditioning vocalists lead me to respond in the same fashion about guitar players. It will probably be flagged for removal so I need to post it on Tumblr before I lose it.

“GUITAR PLAYERS!

(I speak from my very own personal experiences with my former/current bands. Take seriously what you will, as working in the music industry leads us to all have different observations of many odd types of personalities and characters, but I digress…)

You’re probably, most likely, not a God of Guitar. Don’t act like one, because the fastest way for a band to shut you out is when you are invited to play in a band and you:

1. At a rate of 103MPH, speak of your other “projects” and don’t ask or pause long enough to hear what the goal of this band is. That’s fantastic that you have many musical aspirations, but if you are using those to reference how much MORE experience you think you have than us, you come off as conceited and only looking to play with us to expand your repertoire. 

2. Also don’t stop playing! Ever! Obviously we’re interested in your skill level but we’re also hoping to see if YOU will be a good fit. This includes sense of humor, sense of surrounding, and sense of dignity. 

3. Show up unprepared. We all break sticks, cables and strings. This shit happens, so be prepared. It’s not very conducive to our time if you have to make a trip to guitar center twenty minutes into practice. We have limited time, make the most of it. 

4. (on that note) take a smoke break every ten minutes. You wouldn’t get away with this at your day job.

5. Show up an hour late or not show up at all. We all work and have lives outside of the band, but our time is valuable and precious. It’s DISRESPECTFUL to waste ours because you were too fucking wasted the night prior to come to practice the following night. If there is a schedule conflict, all we ask for is communication. 

6. Only tap. Really?



Also, why must we over-saturate a small town or city with a band? If you play Mulligans once a week, Pyramid Scheme once a week and also hit up MXTP, Billy’s and Jukes in between, chances are you are going to lose followers, and fast. DO NOT be your biggest fan. ”

/Rant.