As a teenager, anytime I heard the words “plastic surgery”, I cringed. Not only did I not understand why so many women and men wanted to change their bodies so drastically, but I didn’t want to know why they couldn’t accept themselves for who they were. I wrote a ten page research paper about the dangers associated with Silicone Breast Augmentations and my staunch disagreement with the matter. When my mother expressed that she wanted a face lift, I rolled my eye in disgust. I told her that she was wrong; she did not need or want it. 

Well I was 16. I was a beautiful 16 year old girl with nothing but youth on her side who felt fat and ugly no matter how many people told her otherwise. 

Needless to say, I grew up. The more I learned about the world, the more I learned about myself and what true beauty was. Most teenagers think that they know everything and I was no exception. The truth was, I didn’t know much about life and self-acceptance. I didn’t know much about hard work or what it meant to love yourself in such a judgemental world.

I considered very carefully on whether to open up about this or not, but I’ve decided to share with the world my story…because what’s better than hearing it straight from the horses mouth hooves? (Horses type, right?) 

Last November I turned 27. As I began to exit my mid-twenties, I realized that life was getting shorter by the day. No longer was I 16, living in my parents house dreaming of my future…most of that “future” had already passed by me. Today is the only day in certainty. So this year on my 27th birthday, I promised myself that I would no longer dream; I would start living.

Most of you know by now that my dream has always been to live a life of music. So I set out to make that happen and now we are suddenly on our way to LA to record our next album! Another dream of mine was to have strong and healthy relationships…it’s not easy, but I am working on that everyday. To do all of this, I needed to make sure my confidence was at it’s peak. I started working out more than I ever had in my life and taking care of my body so I could perform my best. I found a counselor when I felt my anxiety was starting to affect my sanity and my relationships. I quit my job and took control of my career when I felt that my boss and my workplace was no longer suited for me and my lifestyle. 

This last year has been pretty terrifying and there was one more thing that I had left to do: take control of my body once and for all.

Since I was a young girl, I’ve struggled with body image. The number one issue that I had was hereditary and I knew that no matter how much I exercised or lost weight, I would still always have a double chin. I could never have that chiseled profile and that stunning long neck. With my paparazzi mother, I was constantly in front of the camera. I liked being in front of it and I was very comfortable doing so, but as soon as I saw that excess fat hanging from my face, I wanted to hide. 

Now as an adult, I understand the importance of feeling confident and good about yourself. I also work in the most vain industry in the world: cosmetology. This has obviously helped to shape my opinion on beauty, the body and self-appreciation. What I once saw as pretentious self-admiration, I now see as art. 

So here it is. Something I already have and will continue to be judged for, my own plastic surgery.

Yesterday I received liposuction of my neck and chin. I also had my platysma muscle released to snap back up into place to create a longer and more contoured neck and jawline. 

Most people reading this are probably wondering why I would want this done or why I would even post about it.

I considered keeping this private as it really is no one’s business but my own. However, I strive to be a role model for the younger generations. I am a firm believer that we are the only people who can and should control our bodies. I also believe that happiness and confidence comes in many forms and in order to find it for ourselves, we must search deep internally to conquer fear and realize our potential. “Plastic surgery” carries a negative connotation and that needs to be changed. We are not plastic. We are real, living creatures who are complex and sensitive. 

Why can’t we just accept what we were born with naturally? Well, we can! But just like everything else in life, “natural” is subjective. Naturally, I am blonde, but currently my hair is red. Naturally, I was born naked. However, I wear clothing and makeup on a daily basis and I’ve adorned my skin with beautiful, permanent artwork. Naturally, I was made to walk, but I drive my car. Naturally, canines and felines are probably supposed to be enemies, but my cat hangs, sleeps, plays and eats with my dogs. Computers are man-made and the Internet defies nature…but hell, this is where we’ve ended up.

I am not ashamed of the work I’ve had done on my face. It doesn’t change me as a person and I will be damned if I let someone make me feel shameful about it. But if you are reading this, that’s probably because you saw it on my tumblr or facebook and that means we’re friends…you wouldn’t judge me, right?

If you do, it’s okay. The judgement lies on you. Surely I didn’t need liposuction, but I wanted it. So I went out and got it because I promised myself on my 27th birthday that this was my life and if I wanted to be happy, all I had to do was try.

When I am fully healed and the swelling has mostly disappeared, I will post before and after photos. Feel free to send any questions my way. 

I love you and thank you for understanding.

Here is a little update from me about Fine Fine Titans, answering a few questions that were asked of us! We are 25 days away from boarding the plane to Los Angeles to record our new album. We only have 10 days left on our campaign and we need your help more than ever. 

Please follow this link to donate to our campaign and be sure to reblog this if you love me. :)

It’s been a while since I’ve heard the crackle and boom. 

(reflections of my heart)

Always a whip and a crash. A roar and a flash.

Summer is on it’s way. My dreams are on their way. 

May.

May.

May.

It’s not going to be easy but it’s going to be worth it.

Only 13 more days left of the campaign and we’ve reached about 15% of our goal which alone is awesome, but I know we can do better. I thought we could, anyway.

Well, here is our Indiegogo fundraiser. We will be leaving in just 27 days to record an EP in North Hollywood. This is the biggest and best thing to happen to us as a band and any musical project I’ve belonged to and could possibly be the last. 

Here is to dreaming.

We still need your help!!

Only 28 days until our campaign ends. We’ve been blessed to have raised close to 1600 by now, but this hardly covers a portion of our studio costs. 

If you would like to help a poor Michigan band get out to LA to record their next album, pass this around! reblog, please! If you are feeling generous, a contribution would make us pee our pants with glee.

If you think crowdfunding is a complete joke and we’re scamming you for money, I’m sure there is a job open at any major record label and/or your local Walmart. ;)

No, but seriously, I’m ecstatic to have reached even this far. 

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE, FOLLOW THIS LINK

and if you have any questions at all about the band or how the money will be spent, ask away!

Great questions! I’ll answer these the best that I can!

1. How long did it take for you to start a career? 

My situation is not the common one. I started my career as a hair “artist” before school. I paid attention to what my stylist was doing, I asked questions, I did a lot of research on the internet and I dared to try everything myself. I did funky cuts and colors on my own hair and soon my friends took notice. I then did their hair, their friends, my family, their friends and it took off…before I even knew how to even wrap a perm. The mistakes I made on my own hair and then learning how to fix it on my own was the best education I could have received…so the day I got my license, I was on the salon floor making money. 

2. What are the worst parts of the job?

DRAMA. Seriously, finding a chill salon with an owner who is understanding and willing to educate you is worth it’s weight in gold! The attitudes start and end with the boss. This is also extremely hard to find it seems…so you either have to keep up with the Jones or fly out on your own.

3. How much do  you say you make? 

This depends mostly on location and how the salon is ran. My first two years was in a salon that was located in a busy area with high end clients. I specialized in color and Keratin treatments…so my average ticket was $200. When the clients tipped accordingly, it was even better. However, I was only 44% commission, so I wasn’t doing terribly, but if I would have stuck around, I could have easily been making at least 20-30k within a few years. 

But then I moved across state, lost all of my clients, entered into a trendy salon downtown with terrible management and after working 40 hrs/week for 6 months, my gross pay was only $1000…for those 6 months! Which is bullshit, so I walked and never looked back.

I wont say what I am making now…but I can promise you it’s nothing like I could have been making on the other side of the state. I’m lucky to have my husband to help me out while I build my business back up.

4. Is it salary or commission? 

Salary in this industry is pretty much unheard of. In a corporate setting, you may make wage vs. commission…which means a lower commission and if that isn’t made, you’ll at least make minimum wage for the hours worked. Independent salons, however, are commission OR chair rental. With commission, they will take somewhere around half your earnings, but with that, they should offer education, promotion, insurance, include all product and salon essentials (besides your shears/tools) and just take a small portion out for color expenses  They also control your schedule. In chair rental, you provide color, insurance, all tools, sometimes product, and you pay a certain amount weekly to your landlord…and you don’t have a boss. You keep the rest of your earnings and taxes will now become a bitch. But that’s that!

5. Can you live comfortable with your earnings?

It most definitely helps to have extra support in the first few years of your career. If someone told me this in the first place, I would have lived with my parents while attending school and in the first few years of my career… because it’s not easy. But if you are passionate and you don’t put up with bullshit…if you dont cheapen your skills, you can do really well! You just have to want to do it. 

6. Best part of the job?

The smile on the client’s face when you have exceeded their  expectations…knowing that you just turned their day, their week, their month around just by making them feel good about themselves. The little things…the way they say they wish they could take you with them to blow dry their hair every morning or shampoo their scalp every night. When they come back and say “do exactly what you did last time” you know that you have done something really special for them.

7. Did you go to college too? Before or after?

I did! I went to four years at a university and didn’t finish… because the education was pertinent but the degree itself didn’t matter to me. I am also a musician and it got to a point where focusing on school was actually getting in the way of me living out my dreams, so I dropped out and THEN went to cosmetology school. I don’t regret a thing.

8. How long did beauty school take? 

Full-time, you can finish in about 11 months here in Michigan. It took me 12 exactly because I skipped a little (michigan summers are too beautiful to be in school all day, every day!). Part-time will take you about two years. I recommend going full-time if possible. Get in and get out…because it can be draining!

But I just did!

Based on circumstance, I am now an independent contractor. I always knew that I would eventually end up working for myself, but I didn’t plan on it happening so soon…but my life is quickly changing and I have to adapt accordingly. 

My passion for our music and the work we do in Fine Fine Titans is my main concern and sole reason for this change. As our art is rapidly growing with high hopes for the future, I can’t let anything hold us back. This a huge risk…gearing everything in my life up to focus on an unlikely dream…but I’m ready. I won’t let negativity stifle my substantially large ambitions…because I owe this to myself, to my husband, to my band and to everyone who has had to bury their own dream, unwillingly. 

In the mean time, you can find me at A Davis Brown Salon in Grand Rapids. You will contact me directly to make an appointments. Email Jennhasfeet@gmail.com if you are a new client or call/text me if you already have my phone number.

<3

I’ve really been blessed thus far to be able to share my deepest desires with so many of you. The older I get and the more people I lose, the more abruptly the reality strikes me that we are not invincible. We’re plagued with this idea of the “American Dream”…that you grow up in a healthy home, attend college, attain a job that hopefully you like, get married, have a few kids, celebrate the holidays the same way every year with the same banana bread recipe, pass that on to your grandchildren and then die of natural causes. Some people are comfortable with this and some people dream of this. Then there is me.

I absolutely couldn’t stomach taking anything in my life for granted, but dare I say that I am not satisfied with the status quo. The American Dream is not my dream and nor is it for some other people. But here is the thing…I am not concerned with what you dream about, I am only concerned that we all find the courage and strength to step outside of the box, confess that our aspirations may not be the popular vision and charge our way through to seek out whatever it is that we dare to dream. 

My dream is to make music. To tour the world, reach out and connect to people who may have lost their way or who know their way and just need a push forward. I’m dying to meet other people with similar ambitions who just want to make positive changes in our world and to create the sort of community that only art and music can. 

Everyone needs a little help. I certainly am no stranger to this. This opportunity that we have been given to make a superb product and to expand our horizons can help us to reach audiences that staying in this little Michigan town never could. We don’t know for certain that this will be our ticket in to the major leagues and we are not immune to the fantasy of the situation. Beyond the recording of this album, we will still have to work our hands to the bone to tour how we want and reach the audiences we strive to. We know it won’t be a cakewalk, but we’re diving head first into this because even though I joke of it in the video, it’s true, we could leave this earth at any given moment without ever leaving any sort of impact in the world.

So we’re going to Hollywood to record an album. It’s going to be fucking expensive, so that’s why we need your help. 

Please help us by contributing to our dream here. 

If anything, just reblog this. Every single hand that helps to lift us up is another hand that we can use to reach down to help other’s up with us. <3

Big news this week along with a new release for Fine Fine Titans. I couldn’t be more excited about our future. I’m a happy girl…so here is a blurry photo!

I feel really blessed (no pun intended) to not only share the stage with these incredible bands on Sunday, but also for The Intersection, it’s staff and the promoters/tour managers of this run to give us the chance to do so. 

This month marks the two year anniversary of the formation of Fine Fine Titans. It’s hard to believe that it’s already been two years and sometimes I want to say that we should have accomplished more at this point, but I know that we’ve been working our skin off. In 2013, however, if we don’t grind to our very bones, we might as well throw in the towel because we’re not getting any younger and this won’t get any easier.

So we rally on. My god, we will rally.

It’s not that I’m nervous about the new year, in fact, quite the opposite. I’m very excited actually, because I know that our band is ready to hit the road. We have what we need…the music, the van, the drive, the support…we just have to do it.

Maybe I am a bit nervous. This is all I’ve ever wanted. This is all I’ve ever dreamt of. That little pit in my stomach is beginning to envelope my entire body and I can feel my fight or flight response closing up my throat. In this case, I need to take advantage of that. Because the adrenaline is going to keep us motivated. I have to fight AND fly. I have to hold onto the angst of my youth and utilize the wisdom of my later years to take by storm, the world…er, the van.

So many people have walked out of my life these last few years. I’d like to say that it is they who have changed, but that I can not be definitive of and I know for certain that it is me who has evolved. I’ve lost patience with anyone who is unwilling to look at the world from another point of view. My eyes have opened to hypocrisy and it’s true, I’ve become much stronger in my stance and no longer do I find it necessary to keep my mouth closed to injustice that I may see. Friends that may have once loved me for me no longer love me for who I’ve become.

So now it’s time to hit the road to find folk who are accepting. This year, my resolution is not focused on the future, it’s focused on letting go of the past so I can live the next year with a clear head and clear hope.

Here’s to the past, I’m going to celebrate the future.

I can’t even begin to explain my excitement for this show. I feel that everything we have been working towards since late 2010 has lead us to this point. If anyone knows anything about me, they know that this is a huge, HUGE fucking deal. I hold very high respect for the musicians who make up Dead Sara. To hear our name mentioned on the radio…to be a part of something that has been ran so professionally thus far…to have the chance to share the stage with this band…no matter what happens hear on after, I know that I’ve had a chance to really turn this dream into something so much more than that which I’ve always just dreamt. Now I can live it.

I won’t take a single second of it for granted. 

I am so very thankful for these opportunities.

Last night when I was driving home from work, I couldn’t stop terrible things from entering my head. Visions of gory accidents, one after another, popped up like movie scenes and they all happened to me. In my trance, I would lose my limbs (if I didn’t die entirely) and for months proceeding the accident and having my right arm amputated, I screamed and cried each time I would try to write.

This morning, I dreamt that my dogs, cat and a german shepard that we also had were all attacked by coyotes and wolves. I tried to keep the pomeranians and my cat inside the apartment/cabin, knowing that the boxer, the german shepard and Evan could hold their own for a bit. While Evan fought the wolves off, I came back out to round up the rest of the dogs. Everyone was fine, except for the shepard who had caught his back foot in the fence and actually told me that he was embarrassed about the swelling. 

Where is my mind?

…………………….

Evan is right, I do get discouraged too easily. It doesn’t mean that I’ll give up, but it deeply distracts me and sometimes hinders progress. I need to blow it off. I desperately try not to take things personally, but I’m guilty. I search too often for affirmation from others and I’m acutely aware of that fact. As children, (especially women, but not limited to) we are always encouraged for our talents and complimented on our looks. Attention and affection ties in exclusively and suddenly-we know exactly how the world works. We know that if we can be aesthetically pleasing, talented and intelligent, we will be loved. So do we all search for affirmation from other’s? Of course we do. We don’t know any other way.

So how do we break through that threshold between pleasing others (to please ourselves) and simply not giving a fuck (and realizing that the right people will love us no matter what)?

I want to be successful. I want my voice to matter. I want people to care because I care. I want to bridge connections between them and us. I do care what people think because I want  them to care about what I think. Maybe this is idiotic, childish and totally selfish.

We say we don’t give a fuck, but we’re not fooling anyone.

And she was alone.
In her hands, her heart sank deep into her bones.
Tears could only muster a fraction of the energy
That her body harvested discreetly
For the life and the dream that captured her heart
In another land that
She was stripped away from at the peak of her dance.
Twisting confusion; twisting disillusion,
Her head failed to reach conclusion
Or find any sort of solution
For a fairytale that existed worlds away
From her reality of heartbreak.

Besides a heat index of 105*, feeling dead while drenched in sweat and lungs feeling bogged down with boulders, I was still awakened with bouts of inspiration. After speaking with musicians that have been enlisted for this trip and really taking a deep look into the enormous amount of work that goes into Warped, that tour seems so ungodly grueling, yet, I would still give anything to be on it. From the long drives, lack of showers/sleep, total exhaustion, performing in ridiculously hot weather with merely one day off out of 50some sounds…perfect!
I did say that this would be the last year that I would attend Warped Tour as a listener and I mean it. Play or bust.

And while writing that last line, I came to realize that I am in sort of a crossroads in my life. As it stands, I can decide to take the easy road out (and by that, I truly mean out), continue to build a solid clientele in the salon, live comfortably on my income, settle down in a nice home and even start a family. The other road is much less dignified. In fact, that shit isn’t even paved. In the pebbles of the gravel lays many uncertainties concerning stability, health, relationships and a fortified future. This road would kamikaze me straight for my dreams.

So I can prance barefoot down the path of least resistance, humming pretty songs all the way to retirement, or I can lace up my fucking boots and scream and shout all the way to music hell.

Nothing has ever enticed me to give up my freedom and we all know that it would take a divine intervention to shut me up, so maybe I never actually had much of a choice how to live…because I could die wondering “what if?” or I can die knowing that I tried.

Time to start hiking. This is going to be a long dirt trail.